Sayajin E.R
by Jesa Jaisai
Summary: What happens when you're taken to the emergency room, and your doctors are...the cast of DBZ?? Note: This is definetely one of my stranger ones ^_^


SAYAJIN e.r  
  
A cameraman is following three Paramedics wheeling a woman down the hallway of a hospital.  
  
For a brief second, the camera zooms in on a short man that has somehow crammed himself into a Doctor's outfit leaning casually against the wall with his arms crossed. Black lettering at the bottom of the screen reads; Vegita M.D  
  
Woah. Somebody wants to kill a lot of patients.  
  
He sends a chilling glare at the Cameraman and the fast paced music stops abruptly. After a moment the camera switches views to a man with a rather vacant expression and an even stupider looking hairstyle. The young woman seated behind the desk is chewing nervously on the end of her pencil, looking pre-occupied with something. Bottom of the screen reads 'Goku M.D' and 'Chi-Chi. Important lady at desk'  
  
The scene progresses down the hallway, following the stretcher and another young man with spiked black hair. The view zooms in on his clipboard. He notices the camera man watching him and tries to look seemingly important as he quickly scribbles away the math problems he was jotting down and scans the page for patients names. The lettering read 'Gohan M.D'  
  
Somehow, the cameraman manages to get his bearings and returns to Vegita, who walks towards the camera.  
  
A small, bald noseless little man is behind him, scurrying to catch up.  
  
Vegeta spits off to the side. "So what do we have here? Not like I care."  
  
Gohan quickly reads the page, looking over to the stretcher with the screaming woman.  
  
"My god! She's pregnant!" The bald man named Krillin cries from behind Vegita. Yes, he is a master of the obvious.  
  
"Yes, that is what it appears to be." Gohan replies.  
  
"I knew that!" Vegita growls.  
  
They all stand there for a moment. The woman's screaming becomes louder.  
  
"Can't somebody shut her up?"  
  
"Perhaps we should do something about it Vegita."  
  
"Maybe we should."  
  
There is a short scream as he reaches down and slaps the woman across the face.  
  
"My god!" the cameraman cries. "You.you barbarian!"  
  
Vegita sends the cameraman a vicious look and lunges for him. The screen tilts to a strange angle and static fills the air.  
  
5:55 P.M  
  
We see Goku marching around, trying to look important as he plays with a box of vinyl gloves.  
  
6:07 P.M  
  
Vegita, Gohan, Goku and Krillin are gathered around the table in the Emergency room. The tension mounts, and beads of sweat can be seen dripping from each of the doctor's anxious faces. All except for Vegeta, who suddenly rips his mask off and glares evilly around the room.  
  
"Where the hell is that kid when I need him!!?? God dammit!!"  
  
Grand, amazing music fills the air and the two doors swing open violently on their rusty hinges. A purple faced boy from the future stands in the doorway, smiling. He spread his arms and cries.  
  
"I'M HERE!!"  
  
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, BRAT!!?? THIS IS A HOSPITAL, NOT A SALOON!!"  
  
The nice but brief moment of happiness in the room is quickly extinguished.  
  
"Now put your mask on and get to work!!" Vegita growls.  
  
Trunks bends over the unconscious woman.  
  
"Hmm....we have a problem."  
  
"No shit."  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Well, no matter." he says simply, taking the huge sword strapped to his back out. He holds it under the light and let the blade shine for all to see. It is quite obvious he used a generous helping of 'Wax-O' before he came.  
  
Mr.Clean ran for his shiny bald life.  
  
"I never was very good at anatomy." he says, tracing a line down the front of the woman's belly with his finger. "I'd say it's right about...here!"  
  
He splits open her gut with the sword.  
  
In the far back of the room, Piccolo faints.  
  
"OOOHH!! LOOK AT ALL THE YUCKY BLOOD!!" Goku cowers.  
  
"Shut up!" Vegita snapped, plunging his hands inside the woman's belly. He pulls out a screaming infant and holds it away from himself as though he'll get some horrible venereal disease.  
  
The room is filled with annoying infant cries. Vegita scowls and his hand starts to glow a bright blue colour.  
  
"No Vegita! This is only a baby!" Krillin cried.  
  
Vegita snorted.  
  
"But it's a HUMAN baby!" he growls. "No use for the smelly things."  
  
"Just get on with it!!" Trunks cries, pointing to the umbilical cord. "Kami, dad. You're so -anal- sometimes."  
  
Vegeta takes hold of the umbilical cord and yanks it off in one smooth motion.  
  
"Well...we wont be needing THAT, will we?"  
  
Trunks watches it splat into the garbage can.  
  
"Well, probably."  
  
Satisfied, Vegita leans on the table with one arm.  
  
"You know....I was never meant to be a Doctor... I wanted to be....I wanted to be a......"  
  
"If he say's a lumberjack, I'm gonna kill him" Trunks puts his head in his hands.  
  
"I wanted to be...."  
  
"An extremely overpowering gorgeous hunk of meat with an extensive amount of money that wears overpriced clothing and has a way with dominating the situations he's in with his harsh words and evil glare?" Krillin suggests.  
  
"Noo.." Vegita replies slowly. "I wanted to be....I wanted to be a Veterinarian."  
  
An ugly silence fills the room. Goku snickers. Vegita seems to clue in to what he's said and abruptly grabs Krillin by the throat.  
  
"And you will tell no one of this."  
  
"OH SURE! PICK ON THE LITTLE GUY EH?"  
  
"SILENCE!"  
  
"HAAAALP!"  
  
The camera zooms in on Krillin flying through the third story window onto the streets on New York below.  
  
"Well, we got rid of that little idiot, now didn't we?"  
  
Trunks regards the woman, completely ignoring his fathers embarrassing and shameful behaviour.  
  
"Piccolo!! Get over here!"  
  
Piccolo hurries over in a turban-and-gown ensemble.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"OH GOD!!! FLAT LINE!! FLAT LINE!!" Goku yells.  
  
Piccolo grabs the shocks and places them on each side of the woman's chest.  
  
"Let's rev this baby up!!"  
  
As any smart person could have guessed, blood flies in every direction. Vegita raises and eyebrow, finally beginning to enjoy himself.  
  
"Oop's, she's hemreging."  
  
There is an abrupt thump and everyone looks down.  
  
"Oh. Her head fell off."  
  
Piccolo sighs.  
  
"Man! How did that happen!!?? I think that week of medical school was a rip off. We're not to good at this are we?"  
  
Trunks shrugs and tips his imaginary hat to everyone. "Oh well. I have to get back to the future. I'm due to appear in someone's taco."  
  
He vanishes in a puff of pink smoke.  
  
Vegita takes off his gloves, throws them at Goku, and shrugs.  
  
"Well, you win some, you loose some. Anyways, I need a coffee."  
  
  
  
EPILOGE. Yes, another day had passed in the twisted halls of Degrassi high. No wait....the Hospital. *Short mental picture of Vegita as spike*  
  
Our Heroes had killed another patent. Word got out. This hospital wasn't very popular anymore. So, they used it to their advantage to con the Government into buying 400 packs of disposable ketchup in return for getting to use the hospital as a place to train, fight and play repeated games of rumoli and poker.  
  
Vegita remained an asshole, Goku made a living of dancing on a street corner four blocks down from the building where he had perfected his famous 'Dork Jig' and managed to collect enough money to buy him a skateboard.  
  
Nobody ever did find Krillins body. Not that anyone really cared anyways. Rumour has it that a group of potentially dangerous squirrels with rabies dragged him off and wedged him up in the branch of a tree in Central Park. Who knows.  
  
Trunks?  
  
Well, he just stood around and looked sexy. After a period of five years, he moved to Antarctica, married a penguin and had ten kids. 


End file.
